Elephant jokes? You probably clicked onto this page because you couldn't believe that there would really be a page of elephant jokes on a church web site. Right? Well, doubt not. There are stranger things in God's world.
(By the way, this is your last chance to turn back before it's too late.)
Fr. Sean claims that, after the preaching of the Gospel, the elephant joke is the highest form of communication devised by humanity. Since he is a priest, and since he is the only one with the passwords to update this website, we decided to humor him and let him have a page of elephant jokes. What can it hurt? But before you read the jokes, you have to put up with a sermon on the subject by him. Be patient. It is a very short sermon. The jokes are worth it. Or not. It probably depends on whether you like stupid elephant jokes (the jokes, not the elephants). And when you are done, you can explore the rest of this site.
There are two types of joke which are called "elephant jokes": the elephant joke proper, and the joke which merely drags a poor elephant in by its tail against its wishes, generally because it is very big and for no other reason. Many jokes of the latter sort involve sexual themes and are often just not very funny. Proper elephant jokes, however, are of a different sort altogether. The elephants do not have to be dragged in, kicking and screaming, but they cooperate nicely because it suits their natural sense of humor. A true elephant joke does not depend on the size of the elephant for its laughs, but rather on a completely different logic which demands that the hearer either submit to the peculiar rules of the world of elephant jokes, or suffer the consequences of not "getting it". True elephant jokes are, therefore, very much like the Gospel itself. When judged by the normal rules of earthly logic, it makes no sense at all. Only the one who is willing to submerge him- or herself in it completely, who can experience and accept its totally alien assumptions about reality, is really going to get the fullness of the humor, the wisdom, and the splendor of the Good News of our redemption. Same with elephant jokes. Enjoy!
Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?
Because the white ones always get dirty.Why do elephants float in the river upside-down?
To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.How do you get an elephant up an oak tree?
Sit it down on an acorn and wait 50 years.How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree?
Just wait till the leaves start to drop.Why do ducks have flat feet?
For stamping out forest fires.Why do elephants have flat feet?
For stamping out flaming ducks.Why do giraffes have long necks?
For spitting on burning elephants.The following is probably my favorite joke in the whole world:
How are an elephant and a banana just alike?
They are both yellow . . . . uh . . . . Except for the elephant, of course.What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
Look! A herd of elephants coming over the hill!What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?
Nothing. He didn't recognize them.What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
Look! A bunch of bananas coming over the hill!Why do elephants travel in herds?
Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs.Why do elephants walk on four feet?
Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean.Why did the elephant paint the bottom of his feet yellow?
So he could hide upsidedown in a bowl of custard.How do you get three elephants in a taxi?
One in the front next to the driver, and two in the back.How do you know there is an elephant in your house?
There's a taxi outside with two impatient elephants.How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator?
There's a taxi outside it with two impatient elephants.And what if you don't notice the taxi?
There are footprints in the butter.How do you get an elephant into the refrigerator?
Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.How do you get two elephants in the refrigerator?
Open the door, put in the first elephant, then put in the second elephant, then close the door.How do you get six elephants in the refrigerator?
Put three elephants in a taxi, put three elephants in another taxi, then put the two taxis in the fridge.Why are there so many elephants running loose in Africa?
Not enough refrigerators.Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled?
Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins.How do you kill a blue elephant?
Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.How do you kill a red elephant?
Strangle it till it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.How do you kill a green elephant?
Tell it a dirty joke until it blushes and turns red, then strangle it until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.How do you kill a yellow elephant?
What are you talking about? There are no yellow elephants!How to catch a white elephant: Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin (with raisins). The sixth day you climb the tree, bringing with you a muffin (without raisins). Drop the muffin (without raisins) as usual. When the white elephant finds out that the muffin (without raisins) lacks rasins, it will darken in anger. And then you catch it the same way you catch an ordinary grey elephant.
(Please note: NO ELEPHANTS WERE HARMED IN ANY WAY AT ALL IN MAKING THIS JOKE PAGE!)
How do you stop an elephant from passing through the eye of a needle?
Tie a knot in its tail.Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.Why did the elephant cross the road?
He was riding with the chicken.Why did the elephant cross himself?
The chicken was a bad driver.After they crossed the road, the chicken and the elephant went to church. Why did the elephant cross himself?
To get to the Other Side.
We are proud to have won the prestigious Hourly Elephant Jokes Award, which most people know of as the "Golden Elephant." This award is given, only one each hour, exclusively to the best elephant joke page on the Web during the preceding hour. This page won the 4:00 a.m., April 1, 1998, award.
I would like to thank my mother and my father (Thank you both; yall are the greatest!), and Sal "Mahout" Rosenberg, my elephant joke coach, and of course God who made the whole thing possible. You guys are the greatest! I never could have done it without you.
Wow! You made it down this far still in one piece. Congratulations. You can escape here.
